What I've Learned Along the Way

Over the past few years I have done what I thought was impossible. I've lost 115 lbs and have managed to keep it off after years of failing. I've had several people ask me in recent weeks what my secret is. In response to that question, I wrote this blog. It's very lengthy but I wanted to share some of my journey and some of the things that I have learned along the way. Happy reading! 

 I started this journey when I was very little. I was always overweight as a child. Nearly all of the pictures of me as a kid involve me eating something! I learned at an early age to use food for comfort and as a sedative. Food is the common thread in most of my memories as a child. Though I don't remember much of my childhood, most of my memories involve food! I remember my granny making me fried egg sandwiches and eating her Thanksgiving dinner. I also remember going to the Little Top drive thru in Greeneville and getting chipped hamburgers with my mom. She told me that when I was only 4 years old I could eat two of them, with fries!! I remember my aunt praising me for eating all of the food on my plate and fussing at my thin cousin for not eating all of her food. I learned that food was a source of happiness, comfort, connection and love. I also learned that it was a source of shame and ridicule and was bullied as a child and teen. I remember being called Shamu on a few occasions. I've been put down, teased and laughed at. I've been rejected and ridiculed. Those memories are still there but they don't hurt anymore. Looking back and realizing how the law of attraction works, I see that those individuals were simply mirroring how I felt about myself. Without going into too much detail, I will say that I had a very strenuous relationship with my mother as a child and teen and that much of my low self-esteem and self-hatred stemmed from that relationship. My mother and I have moved past all of that and I have done extensive inner work to deal with those issues. 

Fast forward to the present day... I have finally lost some weight but it's been a long process. I’ve been up and down and back up. It’s been a rollercoaster. It’s consumed my entire life but I’ve made it out alive and am a better person for it. There are a few things that I learned on this rollercoaster and I’d like to share them with you in hopes that you won’t make the same mistakes that I did! I am by no means a qualified medical professional and do not intend to treat or diagnose anything. I've included some helpful links in the post and I encourage you to question everything and do your own research!  

           Diets don't work!

           I’ve tried just about every diet out there since I was 10 years old or maybe even younger. None of them worked long term. Some of them have great tips like drinking warm lemon water in the morning, drinking 8 + glasses of water a day, exercising regularly, reducing your intake of soda, etc; But none of them created lasting results and a lot of them probably messed up my metabolism even more. Don’t waste your money on pills, potions, books, clubs, or any of that stuff… it doesn’t work!! Find foods that nourish your body and the rest will fall into place.

           No one can do it for you!

           This was a big one in my life. Once my mom realized what sort of a train wreck my life could be in the future, she started pushing me to lose weight. I was probably 7 or 8 years old when it started. She took me to countless doctors, weight loss clinics, psychologists, dieticians, nutritionists and diet centers and none of them worked. The habits had already been formed and none of these places addressed the real cause of the problem. It wasn’t until I began my spiritual path and realized that my weight was a much deeper problem, that I actually started working on getting rid of it myself. I'm sure there are a lot of people in your life that say things they think are helpful to try to motivate you to lose weight. Don't let them get to you. This has to be your decision or it won't work!

           It’s mostly in your head.

          I’ve heard over and over again that weight loss is mostly mental. Well, it’s true! It’s not just mental though, it’s very much emotional and spiritual as well. Your fluff has shielded you and protected you from things that you did not want to feel. You have to dig down deep and figure out what those things are and train your body to know that it is safe now. You have to reprogram your brain to not use food as a comfort or a sedative. You have to visualize a healthy you. You have to stop negative self-talk. You have to start loving yourself- right now- right where you are. You have to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful and that you love yourself, even if you don’t believe it at first. You have to start accepting yourself and giving yourself the love you deserve. You have to stop being so harsh on yourself. You have to let go of what you’ve been holding on to so long. You HAVE to do the work to get there. The mental/emotional/spiritual work is much harder than the physical. I have cried, screamed, gotten depressed, laughed, danced and everything in between. It’s normal to feel emotions and it is normal to be afraid of looking at our dark places but it must be done in order to move forward. You don’t have to do it alone, there are other people going through it too but you have to do it for yourself. You have to love yourself enough to do it for you. You have to realize that you are worthy of feeling fantastic and that nothing is going to stop you. So get out that journal or canvas! Write, draw, dance, scream it out! GET IT OUT! It’s been trapped in there for years and once you let it go, the weight will melt away. Here is a link to Louise Hay's movie You Can Heal Your Life. (It has subtitles in some language... but it's the only one I saw online!)

        Fat is not the enemy.

           As much as I didn’t like some of the things my ex-boyfriend did, he introduced me to a new concept which I wish I would have learned years ago. Fat is NOT the enemy of weight loss. All of this nasty, fat-free stuff is loaded with chemicals and other junk that is bad for us. Healthy fat is necessary to our survival and well-being. Avocados, unrefined coconut oil and flax seed oil are wonderful healthy sources of fat! I wasn’t vegan when I was with my ex so we would use lots of butter and eat eggs and cheese. I’m not convinced this is the healthiest thing but I know we were getting lots of “good” fats. The true enemy is carbohydrates!! They will make you put on weight in a New York minute!  Here is a link to the documentary, Fat Head. The film discusses the truth about fat and how some things we've been told are "healthy", really aren't.

           Gluten is no bueno.

          Everyone has a sensitivity to gluten, it just depends on the severity of it as to whether or not you can feel its effects. I realized that I had an issue with gluten and when I stopped eating it, my weight loss took off! You have to be careful though because a lot of the gluten-free stuff is not healthy!! There are tons of tasty processed stuff that is gluten-free… avoid it like the plague. Here is a link to a page all about gluten!

           Clear out the crap!

          You’ve been hearing it for years… “eat more fruits and vegetables!” YES!!! This is the key, folks. Stop eating all of those processed foods (anything from the center aisles of the grocery stores) and start incorporating more fresh fruit and veggies into your meals. You don’t have to go vegan, it’s not for everyone but just stop eating all of that processed nastiness. I know it’s tasty but how do you feel after you eat it? Listen to your body for once and I guarantee you it will not be pleased. Choose organic whenever possible because conventionally grown produce contains tons of harmful chemicals. Here is a link for the clean 15 list so you’ll know what you absolutely should buy organic and what you can safely buy conventional. Here is a link to a website where you can download the clean fifteen/dirty dozen list! I also suggest the following documentaries to educate and inspire you: Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, Hungry for Change, Food Inc, Forks Over Knives and Vegucated. (All of which are available on Netflix.)

           Listen to your body

          As I mentioned above, if you will listen to your body it will tell you what is right for you and what is not. Don’t wait until you have a medical issue (I had gallstones and chose not to remove my sweet gallbladder) before you make changes. Are you tired all of the time? Moody? Foggy? Cut out the processed stuff and see if you don’t feel clearer. Just know that you will detox when you start this process so take it slow, ease yourself into it. Take care of your body, your mind and your spirit during the process. Keep a journal of how you feel after eating different stuff or make a mental note of it.

           Comparisons comschmarisons

          Stop looking at other people and wanting to be like them. You’re not going to be like them because you are YOU! You are good enough. You are smart enough. You are pretty enough. You are funny enough. You are enough!!! Love yourself and don’t worry about what your friends look like or the girl down the street or the airbrushed model on the magazine cover. They’re not you and you are not them. You have to love yourself and know that you are just what the world needs right now. Love on yourself. Love your belly and your breasts, your hips and thighs. Love your toes and your feet, your nose and your chinny chin chin. Love all of yourself. So what if you jiggle? Who cares?! Society has created an unrealistic idea of beauty. The women in the magazines have been altered to look a specific way. They have cellulite and wrinkles and stretch marks just like the rest of us but we don't get to see it. Our bodies are magnificent things. They are vehicles for our spirits. What an honor to be a vessel for such a beautiful soul! Treat it like the temple that it is. Within its walls is pure love. You are love. You are not your body. Tap into your true essence. That is where the love is, when you realize that you are so much more than the body. Go deep inside and find yourself, then nothing on the exterior will matter. People will see your beauty shining forth and you will finally see it too. A good documentary to watch about society's unrealistic portrayal of women is Miss Representation. Here is a link to the website but you can watch it on Netflix if you have a subscription!

           Take it slow

          It’s been proven time and time again that if you lose weight slowly it will stay off. I’ve also noticed that if I ease myself into something that I usually stick with it much better than if I decide to jump into something all-or-nothing! Many times I’ve come home and cleaned out my cabinets and said “I’m done, I’m doing it this time!!” Yeah… that didn’t work. I hadn’t dealt with the mental aspects of losing weight and I hadn’t worked through the habit breaking. It is easier to incorporate more and more good things into your meals then to stop eating everything at once. Take it slow and before you know it, your habits will start to change more and more. You’ll feel better after eating kale salad than French fries. You’ll feel better after having an apple instead of ice cream and so naturally you’ll start gravitating towards those foods.

You've probably noticed the theme of self-love throughout the post but truly it is the most important thing that I have learned.  I whole-heatedly believe that if you don’t love yourself, all of the dieting in the world is not going to help you. Most people jump straight into the physical part of losing weight and try to completely bypass the inner work. You can’t do that and be successful. I know that it is scary to go within and take a good, hard look at yourself. I know that it is frightening to face your inner demons but it has to be done. You have to forgive those who have hurt you. You have to forgive yourself. You have to love yourself. I am still on this journey and I have a lot more to learn and more fluff to release. I am sure that I have much more inner work that needs to be done too. It’s a process. It’s a process that takes years or maybe even a lifetime. Maybe that’s why we are here… to work through our stuff and to find ourselves. The first step in finding yourself is to begin right where you are. There is no need for judgment. There is no need to be angry or frustrated with yourself. You would probably NEVER say the things you say to yourself, to other people. So why can’t you be compassionate to yourself? Start being aware of what you are thinking and what you say to yourself! Your thoughts create your reality and they have the power to change it! Be positive and love yourself, sister and brother!