Inner Demons

It's no secret that I often try to silence my inner demons with food.  I distract them with a quick sugar high... lull them into a deep slumber with mounds of  carbohydrates....bury them under thousands of empty calories...but they always come back. They wake up covered in vegan cheese and strawberry jam. They crawl their way through the mountains of chips and the rivers of cashew milk ice cream right back into my conscious awareness where I'm stuck with the dilemma of dealing with them or eating another granola bar. (Maybe even an order of Pal's fries if it's a particularly large demon.)

I thought that I had already slayed these beasts of self doubt and self loathing.  The dragon who instead of fire, breathes insults and "you're not good enoughs", hot enough to blaze through almost anyone's self esteem. Yet so it seems the demons have been hibernating deep in my mind waiting for a chance to come back to life, to be seen and heard once again.

I realized that maybe the demon is me. My whole life I was told to be quiet. I was consoled with food. Just as I ignore my inner demons, I was ignored,  pushed aside and made to feel that my opinion didn't matter. So I sat quietly, bottling up the anger for years and years. I wanted someone to listen.  I wanted someone to care. This demon wants a voice so she claws at my heart and whispers despicable  things, hoping that I'll take notice. Perhaps instead of seeking to destroy my demon I should sit down and have a chat with her. Maybe I'll see that she isn't so bad after all. Maybe she only wants to be heard, acknowledged and appreciated. Maybe she doesn't need slaying after all... maybe, just maybe, all she needs is a little love. 

Words.

Words. They drip from of your lover's lips like golden honey. They spew forth from angry mouths with the fury of a thousand geysers. We type them, sing them, softly whisper them. Sometimes we carefully plan them. Other times they come bursting out of us without warning. Do you ever stop to think about the words that come from you? Are they kind? Compassionate? Uplifting? Or are they demeaning, judgmental or cruel?  Words can cut us like daggers or caress us like the finest silk.What impact are your words having on your own life and the world around you?


Your words have the power to create your reality. The words we say and the thoughts we think write the story of our lives. When you truly understand and believe this you gain a tremendous sense of power. If you are the one creating the all of the trials, tribulations and drama in your life... then you are the one who has the ability to make it stop. This power also comes with responsibility. If you have the power to create your own story, then you have to own it. There can be no blaming others or waiting for someone or something to save you. YOU have to take charge and stop making excuses. It means that you have to be more mindful of things you say to others and the things you say to yourself. Are you telling yourself "I am beautiful. I am worthy. I deserve good things. I am loveable" or are you saying "I'm ugly. I'm fat. I'm stupid. I'm worthless. No one will ever love me. Nothing good ever happens to me." "If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all." What sort of story are you writing?

Here are some tips:

1. Pay attention to your inner critic

Most of us would never say the things that we say to ourselves, to other people. What makes you think that the sweet little girl in the grocery store deserves love and respect any more than you do? Would you call her stupid or fat or ugly? No, of course not. You deserve just as much love and kindness as that little girl. When you find yourself thinking or saying something negative, cancel it out and say something positive (even if you don't believe it yet!)

2. Positive affirmations

Write them on everything! Collage, paint, doodle, scribble positive things everywhere! I have "I am happy and healthy" on my bathroom mirror. I have "I trust myself" on my the windshield of my car. I have a coffee mug I painted with "Love yourself" written on it. I have tons of positive, inspiring collages and artsy stuff all over my house... on my fridge, on the doors and on every wall in every room! Surround yourself with positive statements... after a while you will start to believe these things! ;)

3. Positive people

Just like the affirmations, you need to surround yourself with positive people. The people you hang out with influence your reality. If you hang out with people who are constantly negative they will start to bring you down. Even if you don't feel particularly upbeat and positive, make friends with people who are. Like pages on Facebook that post positive things. Talk to new people, join groups, be part of a community of positive, inspiring people!

4. Heal your inner child

Most of the things we believe were ingrained in us during our childhood. We started writing our stories based on beliefs of other people. Even if we had a different belief it was easy for another person's opinion to override our own. Let's imagine that little Sally loves to draw. She spends all of her free time drawing animals, flowers, unicorns, etc. She knows that she is wonderful and dreams of one day being a famous artist. One evening Sally's dad came home after having a particularly bad day at work. Sally wanted to cheer him up so she drew him a picture to make him feel better. Instead of being grateful for the picture he crumbled it up and said it was stupid and that he didn't have time to deal with her. Sally can either understand that her dad had a bad day and that he wrongfully took it out on her OR (most likely) Sally will create several beliefs from this one incident. She could create a beliefs like "I am not good at art", "art is stupid", "I am stupid", "no one has time for me", "I am not good enough for my dad", "I am not good enough", "My opinion doesn't matter", etc. Just one incident has the possibility of setting up an entire belief structure full of lies. Once she accepts these things as truth, the Universe will begin to validate her beliefs. More and more people will mirror these beliefs to her, further strengthening them. Schoolmates might call her stupid. She might get a boyfriend who belittles her. You get the picture. You have to go inside and talk to your inner child and heal them. You have to sit down and write out all of the beliefs you have and ask yourself if they are true or not. You might be surprised at the things you believe about yourself and the world!

5. Choose your words carefully

Not only do you create your own story, you add to the collective story. Choose your words (and thoughts) carefully and really think about the impact that they will have on people. The picture accompanying this post is from The Four Agreements. Be impeccable with your word and realize that you are impacting everything around you. Think before you speak. If it does not come from love, don't say it. <3Build people up and help them create positive beliefs about themselves and about the world around them. Help change people's old stories by proving them wrong. They might have been telling themselves for years that they are hideous and just one person saying, "You have beautiful eyes" might be enough to get them thinking and possibly rewrite that story. Think about how the things you say could profoundly impact others. Don't be Sally's dad!!


You are more powerful than you ever imagined! Can you believe that what you think and say really does create the world around you? If you don't believe it, you can experiment. Try not to criticize yourself or others or complain for one day. See how it makes you feel! Do it for another day and see if anything changes. Write some positive things on your wall and actually read them! I am beautiful. I am worthy of love. I am happy. I am healthy. I deserve the perfect job. I am loved and supported. I have everything I need. Stop focusing on what you don't have, don't want, can't get rid of or you never will. Imagine living the life you want. Feel how it would feel. Smell how it would smell. Embrace it. Believe that it is possible... because it is. You are loveable. You are love. You are enough. Every morning when  you are brushing your teeth, combing your hair, etc... look into the mirror and tell yourself, "I love you." See how these little changes can impact your life.  Choose your words wisely and rewrite your story just how you've always wanted it to be. Go forth and live the life you deserve!

Dead Bug

Painting: Divine Connection by Cindy Lowy Fess

This morning I did something that I have regretted for hours now. I killed a bug. I swatted away a tiny bug and it died. It sounds silly but it is not in my nature to be aggressive or to kill things. I wasn't concerned about the bug's well-being, I was only worried about the fact that it was annoying me and invading my space. That's the problem, you see. I lost connection with the Source. I forgot in that two second encounter that we are all connected, that we are all One. I slipped into my ego and had no concern for the bug. Did it have a bug family? Did it have a bug schedule today? Are it's bug friends going to be wondering why it didn't come home or show up to the bug party tonight? I don't know but all of those questions are haunting me. It scares me because I see how easy it was to slip away from Love and to fall into my ego. I see that it was easy to not think and just react. I see how easy it is for people to worry about themselves and harm other beings in the process. I see now how important it is to constantly stay in the flow and stay connected to Love. One can do horrible things when they are disconnected. This disconnection is the reason that humans feel it is okay to rape, torture and murder other humans. It is the reason that people rip fur off of helpless animals to make designer coats. It is the reason that people are okay with animals living and dying in misery so that they can cook dinner for their families at night. It is the reason that soldiers are okay with killing numerous people from other countries in the name of "freedom". It is the reason we buy clothing made by the hands of slave labor in Asia. It is the reason why people cut down forests, blast the mountain tops and completely are completely destroying Mother Earth. Most individuals live in this constant state of disconnection. The varying degree of disconnection determines what someone is willing to do and who or what they are willing to harm in order to live more comfortably. It disturbs me because I fell into the trap this morning and it was only after I did something horrible that I snapped back into the flow. We have to find ways to remember our connection. It is important. It is imperative that we do so. Can you imagine how the world would be if everyone remembered that we all come from the same Source? If everyone respected every single rock, tree, flower, animal, human and bug? Can you imagine if the suffering of one being could be felt by all others? Ultimately, it is felt by all of us but we aren't tuned in enough to notice it. Imagine if we all tuned in to that connectedness. No one could harm anyone else because it would be felt by all. I truly believe we are moving toward a reality like this but it is up to each and every one of us to do our part. We must stay connected. When we feel ourselves slipping, we have to jump back into the flow. When we notice someone that we care about falling into the trap, we have to gently remind them and pull them back to Love. This is how the change will happen. This is how the old paradigm will crumble and this beautiful new reality will emerge from the ashes. Stay close to Love and help your brothers and sisters stay there also. As for the bugs, don't kill them... even if they are a bit annoying.



R.I.P Bug and thank you for helping me remember my connection. 

Speak the Truth

"Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes." I've seen that phrase and posted it on Facebook a few times over the past several months but it wasn't until this week that I had a chance to live it. It is only now that I realize how afraid I truly was to stand up and how important it was that I face my fears and speak my mind.


 Most people in my life know how I feel about psychiatric medication, particularly when used on children and teens, but this post isn't entirely about that. More than the medication issue, this post is about someone's voice being heard. It is about someone's opinion mattering. It is about how people in power stay in power through use of intimidation. It is about inspiring you to stand up for your own beliefs and helping others do the same. So here goes...


I am a Foster Care Counselor and as a requirement for my job I am expected to attend every medication management appointment that my children have. A few days ago I attended such an appointment with a psychiatrist at a local mental health facility. When I met with my client before the appointment they informed me that they wanted to tell the psychiatrist that they no longer wanted to take their antidepressant due to the side effects they were experiencing. I supported their decision and urged them to do what they felt was best. We were led back to the office and unkindly greeted by the psychiatrist. The first thing the client said was that they wanted to discontinue the medication due to adverse side effects. The client explained that they were in a good home now and that they felt they could be successful without the medication. I could see the doctor immediately try to pull something out of his hat to convince this teenager to stay on the medication. He first brought up the client's past and how stopping the medication would make their suicidal thoughts come back. Though he himself stated that the thoughts were most likely due to situational factors, he continued to try to persuade the client. Next he diminished the client's opinion by comparing their "minor side effects" to them being dead from a successful suicide. He stated it was better to have those side effects than to be dead. He tried to offer the client a new medication. They refused. He then went on to explain that by taking anti- depressants for at least one year, the chances of reoccurring depression are 20 something percent whereas stopping the medication after only a month increases the chances to 50 percent. He failed to mention that a side effect of the medication he was prescribing actually is suicidal thoughts and in some cases individuals actually follow through with those thoughts. By this time I could see the client's body posturing changing. They were closed off. Their arms and legs were crossed. The client said that they would just continue to take the medication and I could sense a feeling of defeat in their voice. They even mentioned feeling bad about not wanting to take the medication. This doctor had managed to make the client feel guilty for having an opinion about their own body and what goes into it! I spoke up. I asked the doctor why we couldn't try to stop the medication and keep a close eye on the client. I explained that they can call me anytime and that their foster mother is very supportive. He did not reply. He continued to explain why he thought it was a bad idea to stop the medication so I spoke up again and said that I feel the client should be able to make their own decisions and that I do not think they should have to do something that they do not want to do. I explained to the client that they would be sixteen soon and at that point they can consent to their own medications. The client agreed to give it another month and continue taking the medications, though I could tell they were not pleased. I felt bad for even agreeing that they should continue to take the medication for a month but I knew that there was no way DCS would allow them to stop taking the medication "against medical advice", a phrase which the doctor repeated numerous times. I knew that if the client waited another month as soon as they turn sixteen all they would have to do is sign a piece of paper and it would be done. After the appointment the psychiatrist said that he needed to have a word with me, so I sat down... not knowing what to expect. He sternly said "I do not appreciate the way that you talked to me during the session and the way that you undermined me in front of my client." I told him that I certainly did not mean it that way and that I was merely trying to make sure that my client has a voice. He said "I know that you are their case manager but if you ever do that again with one of my clients, I'll see to it that you are not allowed in the room during the appointments." I told him that I was sorry he felt that way but that my intention was to advocate for my client and make sure that their opinion was being heard. He stated that he "takes suicidal thoughts very seriously" and I assured him that our company does as well and that we already have safety plans in place, etc. I went on to explain how I've noticed that most children act intimidated in the appointments and that they don't always let their opinions be known because of that. I explained that  it was my job to make sure they are heard. I could tell he was not listening to me at this point and he finished the conversation by saying he would chalk this one up to a misunderstanding but that if it ever happened again I wouldn't be allowed to be in the room. I left feeling all sorts of things. I was pissed that he had talked to me that way. I was sad that I was being punished for doing what was right. I was even more upset that he and doctors like him do not listen to their patients and will try to silence anyone who speaks up for them. He hid behind his "concern" for the client but I felt it was much more than that. Was it a liability for the client to stop taking the medication? If they did harm themselves, would he be to blame? Well what happens if they harm themselves while they are on the medication?! NOTHING. That's what happens... absolutely nothing. He doesn't care if the client kills themselves while taking the medication, only that they keep taking it and keep coming for appointments, thus bringing in money for his company. I know in my heart of hearts that is exactly why he wanted them to continue the medication. If someone was going to get in the way of him making a buck, he would shut them up! .

Well, he didn't scare me and I'm not going to shut up. I don't care who he is or what degree he has hanging on his wall. I believe that people know their bodies better than anyone else. I believe that I am here to help people stand up for themselves and if they can't do it, I will speak up for them. I am not going to sit around and let the "professionals" bully my clients or me! A good friend of mine told me not to take this personally. She told me that it was just his ego fluffing up because he felt threatened. The whole paradigm is being threatened and those who do not want change are doing everything they can to stop it. I can assure you that change is here and that it cannot and will not be stopped. The old ways are dying and there is nothing that anyone can do about it! We are not going to stop because it makes someone feel uncomfortable. We are not going to stop because we are threatened or ridiculed. We will not stop! I will not stop! This single incident may become a turning point in my life. I feel more strongly than ever about the dangers of psychiatric drugging of children. I feel more strongly than ever that it is imperative for me to stand up and speak out against injustice. He may have thought that he scared me or weakened my conviction, but in fact he made me stronger.  I will be heard. I will ensure that the voices of those who are too young or too scared to speak up will be heard. I am not afraid. Find what you are passionate about and stand up with me! Stand up and speak out for those around you who have not found their voices or who are too afraid to let their opinions be heard. Be a voice for change and inspire others to do the same.





To learn more about the dangers of using psychiatric drugs in children click here.

Behind the Mask

I posted this several months ago but I deleted it yesterday before posting my newer stuff so that no one would read it. It's seems hypocritical of me to delete it out of fear, when the post itself is about overcoming fear. Although I am in a better place today than I was when I wrote this and I have worked through much of what I was experiencing, I still feel that it should be shared...


I'm Amanda. Sweet, caring, thoughtful, loving, kind, Amanda. At least that is the image of me that other people hold in their realities. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner of their expectations...like I cannot fully express all facets of this diamond which is me. They see me as this free spirited, fairy winged, rainbow flower child. Yes... I am all of those things but I am so much more. I have darkness inside of me. I have anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, loneliness and fear. Quite a bit of fear, in fact. Fear of being judged,  fear of failing, fear of not being good enough, fear of being fabulous, fear of being alone. Fear of shining, fear of being free, fear of not doing it right. I am angry at myself, at people from my past who have hurt me, angry at the way things are in this world. I have a bad habit of pushing these feelings down, deep within me. If they come to the surface I feel them briefly, only for a minute... like passing your hand over a flame. I can feel these emotions. I feel their warmth and their destructive nature. I never allow myself to become fully immersed in the flame. I always scratch the surface and then think of some peaceful, love and light, whatever response to why I am feeling that way and then come up with an alternative way of thinking. For instance, when I was upset about a past relationship, I allowed myself to feel the anger only for a moment and then said "well, I learned lots of lessons from this relationship and it is not in my highest good to feel these emotions. I send love and blessings to this person, etc etc." I think it's an excuse. I think that I do that so I don't allow myself to jump into the emotions and feel them, really feel them. I am denying myself that experience out of fear. I am afraid of what might happen if I let myself go into the abyss. I also have a sensual, passionate side to me that most people don't get to see. I like to feel sexy and desired. I like knowing that I am wanted. I hide behind the mask of innocence and sweetness. I have an inner vixen that desperately wants to come out. I don't think I've even fully let her out yet. It's engrained in us women to be "wholesome" and to be "ladies". Well I am not a lady, nor do I want to be. I want to wear crimson lipstick and show my cleavage and flirt and be wildly passionate with a stranger. I don't do it though. I stay hidden. Safe. Tucked away. Fear of rejection and fear of what other people might think of me is what keeps my inner vixen confined. This fear also keeps my inner writer, my inner singer, my inner artist and my inner dancer buried deep within me. This fear is what keeps me from being fully present in my life and from exploring all of the beauty that is around me.

Fear is what chains us. Fear is what keeps us from experiencing our lives. We hide behind the masks because we fear what is beneath them. We fear the anger, the hurt, the vixen, our own inner demons. We fear that they will consume us. We fear that other people might not like us, might not love us if we show our true colors. Sometimes even our dearest of friends never see behind these masks. Even our family members do not know who we truly are. I think it's time to cast off our masks and reveal the true beauty that is within us. If you only look at a diamond from one angle, you miss the shimmer, the brilliant reflections of light, the rainbows that are on the other sides. It is time to reveal ourselves, to feel all of the emotions that are within us and to be who we truly are. It's time to stop apologizing for what we think, what we feel and who we are. I'm Amanda. Sweet, caring, thoughtful, loving, kind, Amanda.. but also angry, scared, bitter, passionate and sensual Amanda and I'm okay with that. 

What I've Learned Along the Way

Over the past few years I have done what I thought was impossible. I've lost 115 lbs and have managed to keep it off after years of failing. I've had several people ask me in recent weeks what my secret is. In response to that question, I wrote this blog. It's very lengthy but I wanted to share some of my journey and some of the things that I have learned along the way. Happy reading! 

 I started this journey when I was very little. I was always overweight as a child. Nearly all of the pictures of me as a kid involve me eating something! I learned at an early age to use food for comfort and as a sedative. Food is the common thread in most of my memories as a child. Though I don't remember much of my childhood, most of my memories involve food! I remember my granny making me fried egg sandwiches and eating her Thanksgiving dinner. I also remember going to the Little Top drive thru in Greeneville and getting chipped hamburgers with my mom. She told me that when I was only 4 years old I could eat two of them, with fries!! I remember my aunt praising me for eating all of the food on my plate and fussing at my thin cousin for not eating all of her food. I learned that food was a source of happiness, comfort, connection and love. I also learned that it was a source of shame and ridicule and was bullied as a child and teen. I remember being called Shamu on a few occasions. I've been put down, teased and laughed at. I've been rejected and ridiculed. Those memories are still there but they don't hurt anymore. Looking back and realizing how the law of attraction works, I see that those individuals were simply mirroring how I felt about myself. Without going into too much detail, I will say that I had a very strenuous relationship with my mother as a child and teen and that much of my low self-esteem and self-hatred stemmed from that relationship. My mother and I have moved past all of that and I have done extensive inner work to deal with those issues. 

Fast forward to the present day... I have finally lost some weight but it's been a long process. I’ve been up and down and back up. It’s been a rollercoaster. It’s consumed my entire life but I’ve made it out alive and am a better person for it. There are a few things that I learned on this rollercoaster and I’d like to share them with you in hopes that you won’t make the same mistakes that I did! I am by no means a qualified medical professional and do not intend to treat or diagnose anything. I've included some helpful links in the post and I encourage you to question everything and do your own research!  

           Diets don't work!

           I’ve tried just about every diet out there since I was 10 years old or maybe even younger. None of them worked long term. Some of them have great tips like drinking warm lemon water in the morning, drinking 8 + glasses of water a day, exercising regularly, reducing your intake of soda, etc; But none of them created lasting results and a lot of them probably messed up my metabolism even more. Don’t waste your money on pills, potions, books, clubs, or any of that stuff… it doesn’t work!! Find foods that nourish your body and the rest will fall into place.

           No one can do it for you!

           This was a big one in my life. Once my mom realized what sort of a train wreck my life could be in the future, she started pushing me to lose weight. I was probably 7 or 8 years old when it started. She took me to countless doctors, weight loss clinics, psychologists, dieticians, nutritionists and diet centers and none of them worked. The habits had already been formed and none of these places addressed the real cause of the problem. It wasn’t until I began my spiritual path and realized that my weight was a much deeper problem, that I actually started working on getting rid of it myself. I'm sure there are a lot of people in your life that say things they think are helpful to try to motivate you to lose weight. Don't let them get to you. This has to be your decision or it won't work!

           It’s mostly in your head.

          I’ve heard over and over again that weight loss is mostly mental. Well, it’s true! It’s not just mental though, it’s very much emotional and spiritual as well. Your fluff has shielded you and protected you from things that you did not want to feel. You have to dig down deep and figure out what those things are and train your body to know that it is safe now. You have to reprogram your brain to not use food as a comfort or a sedative. You have to visualize a healthy you. You have to stop negative self-talk. You have to start loving yourself- right now- right where you are. You have to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful and that you love yourself, even if you don’t believe it at first. You have to start accepting yourself and giving yourself the love you deserve. You have to stop being so harsh on yourself. You have to let go of what you’ve been holding on to so long. You HAVE to do the work to get there. The mental/emotional/spiritual work is much harder than the physical. I have cried, screamed, gotten depressed, laughed, danced and everything in between. It’s normal to feel emotions and it is normal to be afraid of looking at our dark places but it must be done in order to move forward. You don’t have to do it alone, there are other people going through it too but you have to do it for yourself. You have to love yourself enough to do it for you. You have to realize that you are worthy of feeling fantastic and that nothing is going to stop you. So get out that journal or canvas! Write, draw, dance, scream it out! GET IT OUT! It’s been trapped in there for years and once you let it go, the weight will melt away. Here is a link to Louise Hay's movie You Can Heal Your Life. (It has subtitles in some language... but it's the only one I saw online!)

        Fat is not the enemy.

           As much as I didn’t like some of the things my ex-boyfriend did, he introduced me to a new concept which I wish I would have learned years ago. Fat is NOT the enemy of weight loss. All of this nasty, fat-free stuff is loaded with chemicals and other junk that is bad for us. Healthy fat is necessary to our survival and well-being. Avocados, unrefined coconut oil and flax seed oil are wonderful healthy sources of fat! I wasn’t vegan when I was with my ex so we would use lots of butter and eat eggs and cheese. I’m not convinced this is the healthiest thing but I know we were getting lots of “good” fats. The true enemy is carbohydrates!! They will make you put on weight in a New York minute!  Here is a link to the documentary, Fat Head. The film discusses the truth about fat and how some things we've been told are "healthy", really aren't.

           Gluten is no bueno.

          Everyone has a sensitivity to gluten, it just depends on the severity of it as to whether or not you can feel its effects. I realized that I had an issue with gluten and when I stopped eating it, my weight loss took off! You have to be careful though because a lot of the gluten-free stuff is not healthy!! There are tons of tasty processed stuff that is gluten-free… avoid it like the plague. Here is a link to a page all about gluten!

           Clear out the crap!

          You’ve been hearing it for years… “eat more fruits and vegetables!” YES!!! This is the key, folks. Stop eating all of those processed foods (anything from the center aisles of the grocery stores) and start incorporating more fresh fruit and veggies into your meals. You don’t have to go vegan, it’s not for everyone but just stop eating all of that processed nastiness. I know it’s tasty but how do you feel after you eat it? Listen to your body for once and I guarantee you it will not be pleased. Choose organic whenever possible because conventionally grown produce contains tons of harmful chemicals. Here is a link for the clean 15 list so you’ll know what you absolutely should buy organic and what you can safely buy conventional. Here is a link to a website where you can download the clean fifteen/dirty dozen list! I also suggest the following documentaries to educate and inspire you: Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, Hungry for Change, Food Inc, Forks Over Knives and Vegucated. (All of which are available on Netflix.)

           Listen to your body

          As I mentioned above, if you will listen to your body it will tell you what is right for you and what is not. Don’t wait until you have a medical issue (I had gallstones and chose not to remove my sweet gallbladder) before you make changes. Are you tired all of the time? Moody? Foggy? Cut out the processed stuff and see if you don’t feel clearer. Just know that you will detox when you start this process so take it slow, ease yourself into it. Take care of your body, your mind and your spirit during the process. Keep a journal of how you feel after eating different stuff or make a mental note of it.

           Comparisons comschmarisons

          Stop looking at other people and wanting to be like them. You’re not going to be like them because you are YOU! You are good enough. You are smart enough. You are pretty enough. You are funny enough. You are enough!!! Love yourself and don’t worry about what your friends look like or the girl down the street or the airbrushed model on the magazine cover. They’re not you and you are not them. You have to love yourself and know that you are just what the world needs right now. Love on yourself. Love your belly and your breasts, your hips and thighs. Love your toes and your feet, your nose and your chinny chin chin. Love all of yourself. So what if you jiggle? Who cares?! Society has created an unrealistic idea of beauty. The women in the magazines have been altered to look a specific way. They have cellulite and wrinkles and stretch marks just like the rest of us but we don't get to see it. Our bodies are magnificent things. They are vehicles for our spirits. What an honor to be a vessel for such a beautiful soul! Treat it like the temple that it is. Within its walls is pure love. You are love. You are not your body. Tap into your true essence. That is where the love is, when you realize that you are so much more than the body. Go deep inside and find yourself, then nothing on the exterior will matter. People will see your beauty shining forth and you will finally see it too. A good documentary to watch about society's unrealistic portrayal of women is Miss Representation. Here is a link to the website but you can watch it on Netflix if you have a subscription!

           Take it slow

          It’s been proven time and time again that if you lose weight slowly it will stay off. I’ve also noticed that if I ease myself into something that I usually stick with it much better than if I decide to jump into something all-or-nothing! Many times I’ve come home and cleaned out my cabinets and said “I’m done, I’m doing it this time!!” Yeah… that didn’t work. I hadn’t dealt with the mental aspects of losing weight and I hadn’t worked through the habit breaking. It is easier to incorporate more and more good things into your meals then to stop eating everything at once. Take it slow and before you know it, your habits will start to change more and more. You’ll feel better after eating kale salad than French fries. You’ll feel better after having an apple instead of ice cream and so naturally you’ll start gravitating towards those foods.

You've probably noticed the theme of self-love throughout the post but truly it is the most important thing that I have learned.  I whole-heatedly believe that if you don’t love yourself, all of the dieting in the world is not going to help you. Most people jump straight into the physical part of losing weight and try to completely bypass the inner work. You can’t do that and be successful. I know that it is scary to go within and take a good, hard look at yourself. I know that it is frightening to face your inner demons but it has to be done. You have to forgive those who have hurt you. You have to forgive yourself. You have to love yourself. I am still on this journey and I have a lot more to learn and more fluff to release. I am sure that I have much more inner work that needs to be done too. It’s a process. It’s a process that takes years or maybe even a lifetime. Maybe that’s why we are here… to work through our stuff and to find ourselves. The first step in finding yourself is to begin right where you are. There is no need for judgment. There is no need to be angry or frustrated with yourself. You would probably NEVER say the things you say to yourself, to other people. So why can’t you be compassionate to yourself? Start being aware of what you are thinking and what you say to yourself! Your thoughts create your reality and they have the power to change it! Be positive and love yourself, sister and brother!